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苍蝇不叮无缝的蛋

Chinese proverb

I am a spider. I kill flies. Something about my feromones makes them swarm to me. But remember: I’m a dangerous solitary creature. No matter how much you think you’ve got me eating out of the palm of your hand, I will always walk alone.

And in China, my fly wasn’t even attractive. Which is strange, really. Since the single-child policy, more boys stay alive than girls. These kids have become adults, and the women don’t need to try hard to get a man; there’s a surpuls of the latter. And still I came across quite a few really cute girls. But the girl I hooked up with, wasn’t .

Her English was good though. I could really communicate with her, and despite the cultural difference, our connection was the beginning of a relationship of another nature than just physical desire. She had standard straight black hair. A face that looked like she was born into a wall – forehead, cheekbones and the tip of her nose were all equally protruded; her face was as flat as the rest. Her nipples were larger than her breasts (especially after certain stimulation). She had no arse to speak of, and two fairly short legs.

And yes, after a week of good conversation we went back to her place and we saw eachother naked. I realised quickly that it was good that I had shaved, otherwise my pubes may very well have twined with her bush like velcro. But as we connected on a different level, or so I thought, I penetrated her anyway and was pleasantly surprised by the amount of moisture. She moaned and did the right things to orgasm just before I did.

The evenings with tea continued, and so did the weekly sex encounters. It wasn’t long before I realised she was dirt poor, so I started paying for her. Rent, a new phone, electricity bills, and often even for food. On the occasions that I brought her a warm meal, she’d reward me with sex in a different orrifice than her vagina. A blowjob, usually, for which she swallowed my cum, but didn’t get close to deepthroat. Anal happened twice, but as it clearly hurt her, I never asked for that again. I thought she was innocent.

But as it turns out, flies don’t circle uncracked eggs. Nearly sex months into our relationship, I accidentally saw her giving money to a Chinese man, my age. He wasn’t her father, surely. Not her brother; we were in China! I had to know more, but I decided not to confront her yet. I took a few days leave from the job I’d taken, gave her some extra money. Why? “No reason, honey, do something nice with it.” And I followed her. This time she took the money to a different man, also not her father’s age. This was getting weird. So I confronted her in my way.

After the next time I gave her money, I bumped into her, to catch her red handed. She had no explanation but tears. So I asked the man, who replied at length in Cantonese – I didn’t catch a word of it.

With pain in my heart, I realised I’d been played. I was her atm – and all the rest was her job. So I decided to call it quits, and show her what a hungry spider does.

I was pissed. Not just at myself for falling for this trick. But also at her for selling me bull shit. So I made her suffer. I bought a nail gun, and stuck her to the table. I superglued and ducktaped her mouth shut before I put more nails in her body, one every minute, until she stopped moving. Then I left the mess for someone else to find. Hopefully the men who no longer got any money from her. If it were them, it would buy me time to flee the country.

I managed. And not until I got to Luang Prabang did I get myself another fly tattoo. And for now, I was done with flies. It would take a few years for me to be available again; and I’ll leave you in suspense to find out if that was a fly…

I’d now really become a spider. No emotional attachment ever again. Solitary life is best. I’d show the world how long I could do without feeding. But when I get hungry: brace yourself. I’m now without remorse. I’m dangerous. Run when you spot my tattoos.