You know what the problem is? People love their in-laws so much, they have to eat with them for two days!
So I went out and had a look.
And as it turns out, lots of people do hate their in-laws. Like there was this single-file row of men following a hearse1. And there are of course other ways to get rid of your in-laws. And in The Netherlands, people tend to torture themselves to walk around the local Ikea – or similar megastores – with their in-laws. If this doesn’t tell your in-laws that you hate their guts (I mean, come on – is this a fun way to spend Boxing Day?), I don’t know what does.
But apparently, some people also enjoy spending time with their in-laws. On Christmas day – dinner with her parents; on Boxing Day – dinner with is. And the amount of food is staggering during such meals. To live through such a meal, one would really need to appreciate the people at the table; otherwise it would be double or triple torture!
So was my daddy right?
I don’t think so! You can’t blame a penguin for mating for life! You can’t blame a Stegodyphus dumicola‘s young to eat it’s mother!
It’s not the aversion, nor the love we have for our in-laws that drives us to eat so much with them. And of course, if the meal turns out too gluttonous, you could easily drop a stink-bomb in the food. But that wouldn’t solve the problem of too much love for the in-laws – or the tedious Christmas dinners.
As I have already shown, there’s both love and hate for the in-laws on this planet. Plenty of it, too. So all we need to solve is the tediousness of those obligatory dinners. And, my dear readers, the solution has already presented itself; it came into existence late 2019 in China, and has spread all over the planet since. Forgive me for mentioning the dreaded virus: this latest corona-virus is the solution to all these problems. Just ensure no vaccine becomes available, ever, and for many Christmases to come, we can hide behind the lockdown rules of our governments to avoid tedious unpleasantness. And of course, if the lock down feels like too much of a lock up for you? Well then, fuck it – just go with the flow, and eat, feast and meet with people you enjoy being around. At worst, you will spread the virus a little more – which will only make sure the lock up (I mean, lock down) lasts longer – hopefully well into the next Christmas, so those of us who don’t want to eat with the in-laws can be grateful to you.
The Daddy Said series was previously posted on MyOpera – when it still had a blogging service. On this occasion, to make up for having missed another Monday (due to the fact that I was pre-occupied with a new sweetheart), I’ve written a whole new episode. I hope you enjoyed it. The next episode is likely to appear on January 11th 2020.
Footnote 1: I once saw a strange thing in my street. A hearse rolled through, followed by a man and his dog, and a single-file row of about 50 men. I first went silent respecfully, but then curiosity got the best of me – so I walked up to the man with the dog and asked what happened. The man replied that the dog had killed his mother-in-law. “Oh, I’m sorry,” I replied, and then hesitated for a minute. “Would you lend me the dog for a while?” “Oh, sure,” he replied. “Just get in line and wait for your turn.”